


The Problem With Gardening

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, also texan accent dave, shameless smut for a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is that in the end, someone will have to take a shower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Problem With Gardening

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr Yule Ball gift for my most excellent date, whom none of you know! She requested DaveJade porn and not much else.

Dave Strider isn’t exactly sure how Jade convinced him to let her plant a garden on the roof of his apartment building, let alone how she got him to help her with the effort.

This is Texas, and it’s 90 degrees on a good day.

Today?

Not exactly a good day.

They’re both sweating like dogs (hehe) in the 102 degree weather, but both of them are ignoring it in favor of trying to fit 13 bulbs into a space only meant for 10. 

“Jade?”

“Yeah?”

“This ain’t gonna fit.”

The dark skinned girl doesn’t say anything, instead standing up and walking a full circle around the container. Her broadly brimmed hat flutters, and he knows that something’s going through that furry head of hers. “Whatcha thinkin’?”

She waves a hand haphazardly at him, pulling off the hat to scratch at one twitching white (and highly canine) ear. Before Dave has the time to freak out she slips her hat back on, loose over her ears. “I think I have an idea!”

“Oh lord,” he murmurs, hanging his head in a sad attempt to get some shade. “What is it?”

She claps her hands and then wrings them together, evil super-villain style. “We don’t have enough space, right?” The boy’s red eyes widen behind his shades, and he scrambles backwards.

“Wait a sec, gimme some time to get outta here, Jade WAIT-”

In a hilariously ironic twist she doesn’t give him enough time, and with a flash of green and the teeth-humming crack of reality the container is that much bigger. He clenches his teeth against their fading buzz, eyes scrunching tightly. “I hate it when ya’ do that.”

“Psssh. I fixed the problem!” she exclaims, shaking off the last neon-green tendrils of space off of her fingers.

“Whatever. What plants do we got? Ya’ said bulbs, so, tulips?” he asks, standing back up and shuddering away the background radiation of Jade’s rip through reality.

“Onions!”

“Holy shit, Jade, we’re gonna plant th’entire fuckin’ universe on top of our apartment. ‘Cept instead a frogs, we’re usin’ food! Now anyone can come ‘long and eat us up, not just th’French. Come get your weirdass space onions, it’s time to make solar system stew.” By the time he’s finished with his rambling analogy she’s laughing so hard she’s crying, dirt covered hands smudging against her face.

“Who the fuck eats a frog? Dave, that’s gross!”

He shrugs. “Tell it to th’Frenchies.”

The dark girl giggles one last time, and then wrinkles her nose. “Look at what you made me do! Now I’m all dirty!”

He waggles his eyebrows, just enough for them to be seen over his shades. “How dirty are we talkin’?”

“DAVE!!”

“Pretty dirty, then?”

She huffs, and tele-tosses a fistful of dirt into his face. While he’s spluttering over the soil, she takes the chance to abscond right the fuck outta there. “I’m going to go take a shower I’ll be done in a while good bye!!!”

He spits out a mouthful of dirt and laughs. Then he waits a little bit longer (exactly a minute and 38 seconds) and follows her down the stairs.

There’s not much to do in the apartment, apart from trying not to think about the fact that his gorgeous girlfriend is naked just a few rooms over. He fails spectacularly at that last bit.

To distract himself, he turns on the TV. Nothing like good old mindless bullshit to distract the brain. He kind of drifts off, the episode of Super-whatever making excellent background noise. The episode lasts half an hour or so (32 minutes 12 seconds) before the loud creak of the bathroom door rings through the apartment.

“Yo, finally, ya’ were in there forev…” The words die on his lips as he takes in the (rather breathtaking) sight of Jade fucking Harley, wearing nothing but a towel skimpy enough to qualify as lingerie. 

He swallows. “Er. What took ya’ so long?”

She shrugs, the towel slipping down a few inches that it didn't have to start with. “I have a lot of hair, babe.” He nods dumbly, suddenly very interested in the floor.

Welcome to Bonertown. Population: Dave.

Jade may or may not have noticed. Based on her bucktoothed smirk, it’s the former. “What’s the matter, Dave? Do you find this…” she wiggles her hips, and one of her ears flops forward. “Arousing?”

It’s a testament to kinkiness that the answer is “Just a lil’ bit.”

She blushes, from what he can tell through her chocolate brown skin, and grins even wider. “Maybe you should keep bigger towels.”

He grips his fists and stares pointedly in the opposite direction. “That’s straight bullshit and ya’ know it. Ya’ coulda jus’ made the towel bigger.”

She giggles. “It’s more fun this way! I get to see you all…” her voice drops to a throaty whisper, and hot _damn_ that’s seductive. “Frustrated.”

“Jade, ya’ ain’t helpin’ th’situation.”

“I’m not trying, Dave.” She’s making that abundantly clear as she slinks in front of him, whatever's on the TV long forgotten. Then her towel slips down ever so slightly, and yeah, she’s definitely doing this on purpose.

He tries to ignore the rapid tenting in his boxers, instead fighting the urge to jump up and take her right against the apartment wall. He’s barely successful. 

Then she sits down, lightly, straddling his knees and eyeing him with the most literal pair of puppy-dog eyes known to man, and that success tears itself to shreds. He stands, steps forward, half-pushes Jade up against the shitty wall. His shades might have slipped down, but he finds he gives absolutely no fucks as another thing slips down- namely, Jade’s towel.

“Y’got three seconds to call this off,” he grunts.

She grins at him, neon green eyes hazy with lust. “I could have all the time in the world and I still wouldn’t say no, baby doll.”

“Good, cause I can give ya’ that first bit,” he mutters into her neck. Then he lifts her up, despite how much taller she is than him, pulls her up and presses her back against the wall.

Then he presses a pale hand between her legs, fingers rubbing softly at her rapidly-slicking entrance. She moans, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“Shades off, sugar, I wanna see your eyes.” His mild protests are lost when she leans down to nip at his earlobe, slipping off his aviators in the process.

He shivers, either from the bite or the droplets left from Jade’s shower. He doesn’t know, and doesn’t particularly care. He curls his fingers into her, the resulting keen doing absolutely nothing for his erection. She fumbles at his zipper (no belt, he finally found a pair of jeans that fit,) for a second, accidentally groping him more than once. 

Okay it was in no way an accident, but still.

After a few more failed attempts she pulls her hand back up, pressing her temple down into Dave’s. “Unzip.” The command is short and to the point, and he withdraws his hand to follow it. He supports her with his free arm, masterfully unbuttoning his jeans in the process.

She follows his actions by pushing down his boxers, taking his shaft with the hand not digging into his back. Now it’s his turn to moan, rocking upwards into her soft grip.

“Get started, babe,” she murmurs into his ear. Her voice is hoarse and half-broken, and he has no problem whatsoever doing just that. He rubs against her dampness, twice, thrice, before pushing in. She gasps, hot and heavy breaths ghosting across his neck as he sets a pace- steady, consistent. 

“What was that? Didn’t catch ya’ there,” he grunts, burying his face in her exposed neck. She doesn’t respond, can’t respond, instead moans and groans and rocks against him. She replaces the hand digging into his back with the other, the left, and presses her right against her own chest.

“S’my job, hun,” he says, pulling her hand off of her breast and replacing it with his own. She leans back against the wall, both hands now scratching against his back. Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark.

He keeps that up for a long time, pinching and thrusting and taking in her breathy moans, before Jade tenses up and wraps her legs even tighter around him. “Dave, fuck, I’m gonna-” she pants, and then she comes, with a moan that’s roughly half-sob.

The tight friction pushes the boy even closer to his own climax, and her mindless murmurs into his ear aren't helping all that much. She leans forward, wraps her arms around his back, and rests her head on his shoulder.  
And _just_ when he comes, she bites down on his neck. Not hard enough to draw blood, of course, but definitely hard enough to make him gasp her name and shudder violently.

He stands that way for a while longer, then pulls out shakily. “I got a new rule.”

She grunts against his neck, too tired to do anything else.

“No more short towels.”

“No promises.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is terrible  
> I don't even care uvu


End file.
